Friday, October 08, 2004
Dear Ethylene,
What will you do if Bush loses the election? My husband says that if this country is screwed up enough to vote for John Kerry, he's washing his hands of it and moving to Idaho.
Curiously,
Bernice Z.
Panama City, FL
Dear Bernice,
I keep hearing people saying that "if so-and-so wins, then I'm moving." That is just so silly! We've had lousy presidents before and we'll have lousy presidents again. The world didn't stop turning on its axis when Bill Clinton was president. So Bernice, tell your husband to calm down.
Besides, it worries me when I hear so many good conservatives say that they want to move to New Hampshire or Idaho. They need to think this through a little more. So let's assume we all move and take over Idaho, and secede from the Union. The liberals will take over the rest of the United States, and they'll have many more guns than we will. They'll have all the good agricultural land, access to ports, and all the good infrastructure. They might not trade with us, and you can be your paycheck that Canada won't be doing us an favors. They are part of the irrepressibly liberal "rest of the world," don't forget. And I'm sorry, but "Governor Mark Fuhrman" doesn't sound good to me.
Better that we conservatives stay here and fight the good fight. We finally have an evangelical president, and for some reason formerly reasonable people are losing their minds and stepping up to oppose God and the President. I'm talking about the conservative parties of Europe (who used to be fairly normal, for Europeans), beloved actors like Michael J. Fox (Alex Keaton!), formerly apolitical musicians like Bruce Springsteen. It's the strangest thing. I have not ruled out some sort of brainwashing to explain this sudden groundswell of bad judgment.
If we don't fight these people, the United States will spiral downhill faster than you can say "homosexual agenda." So saddle up your horses Bernice and Bernice's husband, because we are crusading for W and WE NEED YOU!
Thanks for writing, and bon guerre!
Ethylene
What will you do if Bush loses the election? My husband says that if this country is screwed up enough to vote for John Kerry, he's washing his hands of it and moving to Idaho.
Curiously,
Bernice Z.
Panama City, FL
Dear Bernice,
I keep hearing people saying that "if so-and-so wins, then I'm moving." That is just so silly! We've had lousy presidents before and we'll have lousy presidents again. The world didn't stop turning on its axis when Bill Clinton was president. So Bernice, tell your husband to calm down.
Besides, it worries me when I hear so many good conservatives say that they want to move to New Hampshire or Idaho. They need to think this through a little more. So let's assume we all move and take over Idaho, and secede from the Union. The liberals will take over the rest of the United States, and they'll have many more guns than we will. They'll have all the good agricultural land, access to ports, and all the good infrastructure. They might not trade with us, and you can be your paycheck that Canada won't be doing us an favors. They are part of the irrepressibly liberal "rest of the world," don't forget. And I'm sorry, but "Governor Mark Fuhrman" doesn't sound good to me.
Better that we conservatives stay here and fight the good fight. We finally have an evangelical president, and for some reason formerly reasonable people are losing their minds and stepping up to oppose God and the President. I'm talking about the conservative parties of Europe (who used to be fairly normal, for Europeans), beloved actors like Michael J. Fox (Alex Keaton!), formerly apolitical musicians like Bruce Springsteen. It's the strangest thing. I have not ruled out some sort of brainwashing to explain this sudden groundswell of bad judgment.
If we don't fight these people, the United States will spiral downhill faster than you can say "homosexual agenda." So saddle up your horses Bernice and Bernice's husband, because we are crusading for W and WE NEED YOU!
Thanks for writing, and bon guerre!
Ethylene
Monday, October 04, 2004
Dear Ethylene,
I have a question about cussing. Why is it considered "OK" to use sound-alike words to take the Lord's name in vain. I have friends, particularly women friends, who use the following phrases as curses:
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph"
"Jiminy Crickets"
"Jeeze Louise"
"Jeepers Creepers"
"Cheese and Crackers"
"Johnny Carson"
If we sin in our hearts, isn't it wrong to think about taking the Lord's name in vain, even if you use one of these substitute phrases?
God rest his soul, but even my dear departed husband used a questionable substitute for a different 4-letter word whenever he would accidentally hammer his thumb or bump his head. He'd scream, "Shhhhhhhugarbits!" Then he'd usually smack whichever child of ours he'd asked to help him. I would instantly march over to where he was working, and chastise him severely for cussing. Now that he's gone and our youngest is serving a life sentence, I sometimes wish I handled these situations differently.
But Ethylene, shouldn't we condemn these substitute cuss words just as firmly as we do the real ones?
Eleanor Bunston
Dearborn MI
Dear Eleanor,
While your heart is in the right place, I think you need to lighten up. At least these people are trying not to cuss.
I should say at the outset that I am a devoted user of all the permissible substitutes for the d-word. Dang. Dagnabbit. Dern. Doggone. Etc. These small transgressions are, I think, a good way to blow off steam. If, on the other hand, these substitute words get out of hand -- as in "Gol dang you all to heck!" -- then that's another story.
Remember, people who sin can still do good works. Most Republican House Speakers are adulterers or criminals, but they do good work for America. In just the same way, Karl Rove uses the F-word like you and I use the word "get." As in "We will get him! We will absolutely get him. We will get him like he's never been getted before!" But Karl does good work for America.
I'm not saying that you can cancel out your sins with good works. But you can use good words to drastically discount those sins.
So Ethylene say "RELAX," Eleanor. Thanks for writing and bon lingua!
Ethylene
I have a question about cussing. Why is it considered "OK" to use sound-alike words to take the Lord's name in vain. I have friends, particularly women friends, who use the following phrases as curses:
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph"
"Jiminy Crickets"
"Jeeze Louise"
"Jeepers Creepers"
"Cheese and Crackers"
"Johnny Carson"
If we sin in our hearts, isn't it wrong to think about taking the Lord's name in vain, even if you use one of these substitute phrases?
God rest his soul, but even my dear departed husband used a questionable substitute for a different 4-letter word whenever he would accidentally hammer his thumb or bump his head. He'd scream, "Shhhhhhhugarbits!" Then he'd usually smack whichever child of ours he'd asked to help him. I would instantly march over to where he was working, and chastise him severely for cussing. Now that he's gone and our youngest is serving a life sentence, I sometimes wish I handled these situations differently.
But Ethylene, shouldn't we condemn these substitute cuss words just as firmly as we do the real ones?
Eleanor Bunston
Dearborn MI
Dear Eleanor,
While your heart is in the right place, I think you need to lighten up. At least these people are trying not to cuss.
I should say at the outset that I am a devoted user of all the permissible substitutes for the d-word. Dang. Dagnabbit. Dern. Doggone. Etc. These small transgressions are, I think, a good way to blow off steam. If, on the other hand, these substitute words get out of hand -- as in "Gol dang you all to heck!" -- then that's another story.
Remember, people who sin can still do good works. Most Republican House Speakers are adulterers or criminals, but they do good work for America. In just the same way, Karl Rove uses the F-word like you and I use the word "get." As in "We will get him! We will absolutely get him. We will get him like he's never been getted before!" But Karl does good work for America.
I'm not saying that you can cancel out your sins with good works. But you can use good words to drastically discount those sins.
So Ethylene say "RELAX," Eleanor. Thanks for writing and bon lingua!
Ethylene
